This windup toy is a choking hazard by Savage

Oh, no. Lord, oh no. Damn. Oh shit. The blood was fucking everywhere.

I calmed myself, and tried to take everything in. It looked like every single one of my pores had menstruated simultaneously.

Oh, here it comes again.

I turned my head to vomit, not really looking where it would go. I heard the dog growl and run out the door before he spontaneously combusted. I wasn't too worried, this had become commonplace, if not annoying. He would return soon in all glory as a Phoenix, reaching my house at any moment. A sudden crash at the window startled me out of my reverie; I slowly crept over only to see the dumb bird laying dead in the snow, victim of a solid window I had forgot to open.

Wait, it all made sense. It was a set up. I was nothing but a straw man. Of course!